Rwanda - Pefa part 3

As the days and weeks roll by at the orphange, faces, genders and personalities begin to evolve. I can distinguish the girls from the boys. I am starting to recognise faces and learn names. I am identifying personalities and sorting out the bullies from the bullied. This seems to be a big problem with the children aged about 8-10. I guss they are in that age bracket where they have evolved from being 'the young ones' but have not yet reached adolescence and joined the 'older kids'. The bullying is very subtle and is made even more difficult for me to identify considering the language barrier. I just see the older children talking quietly to the toddlers, before they hnd over their lunch or toys. Occasionally I would see less subtle forms when the children are in their rooms and I walk in to see them getting hit. Another common problem is the toddlers getting dragged along by one arm. The mumma's are guilty of this too - but instead of dragging them, they will actually pick the child off the ground by one arm. I spent a month trying so hard to discourage this to no avail. It almost had me in tears. The children were rarely punished for bullying, and if they were it was a decent whack. This type of punishment had little effect, they seemed immune to pain. I introduced timeout which worked well, but I fear it wont be continued as it is too time consuming. I wish that I could communicate with the bullies because I can unerstand that much of it stems from their upbringing. Imagine being one of 50, no individual attention, no-one to love you. By the time they become bullies they are clinging to any form of self control they can find. They get attention! In the form of violence but attention nonetheless. As angry as I get when they hurt the younger children I need to keep this in the back of my mind.

There are many more psychological issues at the orphanage and it is heartbreaking as I begin to identify them. One little boy - Pacific - is about 4 years old. He is an absolute sweetheart - loves to play soccer, loves to read stories with you, and shares amazingly well with the other children. He has a delightful smile which is ever ready. But he can withdraw in an instant. He will be playing one minute and the next he is in a corner, huddled up with his arms over his head. No amount of talking can bring him out of it, until he slowly comes back into himself. Another little girl Kezia is about 2 years old and rarely eats. I soon learn that if she is placed in a corner on her own she will eventually finish her lunch, but if anyone else is too close she will completely freeze. I once tried to help her with her spoon and she screamed and kicked and scratched at me. She wil then continue to freeze for about 10 minutes after she is left alone. Its frightening behaviour in a 2 year old. These are just a couple of examples of the psycholgical issues I identified in the later stages of my placement, and I hate to think the true extent of the issues at this place.